Monday, April 30, 2007
Here's likely what it would've sounded like watching the weekend's action with Tags and hearing Roger Goodell announce the picks at the NFL Draft...
OK, Raider fans. With the first pick in 2007 NFL Draft...
OK, Raider fans?! OK, Raider fans! Are you fucking serious? Are we at a rock 'n' roll concert, Rog? Heelllooo New York, who's ready to rock!?!?!?. Fuckin' tool.
And smile, bitch. It's not your job to look all tough and shit. Jamarcus is doing a fine job of that next to you. Put on your happy face. This isn't a fucking prison sentence. It's the draft. Show some teeth.
With the second pick in the 2007 NFL Draft, the Detroit Lions take wide receiver Calvin Johnson...
They take? TAKE?! You don't fucking take a player, Rog. You take smack. You select a player.
With the third pick in the 2007 NFL Draft, the Cleveland Browns select left tackle Joe Thomas, Wisconsin.
OK, you got the take bullshit straightened out. Good. That's a start. But get the order right, cocksucker. Name, position, school. Not position, name, school. That's more backwards than that fucking Pacman fiasco.
And play up the pick. This is your time in the limelight, sweetheart. You're putting on a fucking show. Don't spoil the pick by telling us the position first. Surprise the crowd by saying the name before the position.
With the ninth pick in the 2007 NFL Draft, the Miami Dolphins select wide receiver Ted Ginn, Ohio State.
No "um?!" No "ugh?!" You fucking smooth-talking motherfucker. It should sound like this: "Um, with the, ugh, ninth pick in the 2007 NFL Draft, the ugh Miami Dolphins select, um Ted Ginn, wide receiver, Ohio State.
Get your act together, bitch. Or I'm comin' back.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
We're running a segment here at The Big Picture where we'll interview some of the biggest names in the sports blogosphere. What's the point? Well, these guys spend countless, thankless hours writing, so a little recognition from time to time is well warranted. Think of this as the blogger's version of a reach-around or something.
Up today is Unsilent Majority, who is part of the Gay Mafia over at Kissing Suzy Kolber, contributes over at No Mas and used to earn his lunch money at The 'House. UM is also known for commenting on just about every single blog ever created. Here's Unsilent to take it away. Be gentle.
1. The rundown:
Name: Unsilent Majority
Age: 24 next month, send presents c/o Bally's Las Vegas
Occupation: Businessman, raconteur, three-time juror
Favorite team: Redskins/Wizards
Links to your favorite all-time posts you've written. (3-5)
My memory is a bit hazy; here are a few from the current calendar year.
NFL Family Circus
My Super Bowl Rooting Interest
HOYA SAXA: Jesuits Gone Wild
Time per day spent blogging and perusing the blogosphere: Much more than my employer would like.
2. Take us through a typical day of blogging.
It's a delicate balance between my full-time job and my blogging. Fortunately I work at a computer all day so I'm able to peruse the blogosphere at my leisure (when the work isn't piled up). Most of my writing is done from home with all of the creature comforts it affords. I typically write a couple of posts a week for KSK and I try to contribute to other sites (like No Mas) as often as I can. The only thing stopping me from writing more is a lack of time. For that reason I had to resign from my position at NFL Fanhouse, poor Jamie hasn't been the same since.
My first stop in the morning is washingtonpost.com to take a look at DC Sports Bog, Jason LaCanfora's Redskins Insider blog, Ivan Carter/Michael Lee's Wizards Insider blog, and all that print edition stuff. I'm a big fan of my hometown newspaper, but there's no homerism involved when I call it the best sports department in America.
After apprising myself of the local goings-on I start checking in on all of the regulars. I always hit The Big Lead, Deadspin, DC Sports Bog, and Dan Shanoff -- but first is Fanhaus. Skeets, Shoals, Mutoni, MJD, and a host of other great bloggers have made NBA Fanhaus one of the best destinations in the blogosphere. From there I work my way through a lengthy list of bookmarks and assorted links as time permits. Obviously I'm busy with work as well so I'm often just catching up on things late in the afternoon. If the need and opportunity arise I'll occasionally write posts for KSK in the afternoon.
3. Your name is widely known across the sports blogosphere. What got you started reading blogs in the first place and what made you start commenting all over the place?
There's a long and, seemingly random, sequence of events that led me into the heart of the sports blogosphere. It all started back at the World Wide Leader when Dan Shanoff linked to Deadspin in the Quickie. From then on I read Deadspin every day until Will wrote a post about No Mas's Balco shirt. A good friend of mine happened to work for them at the time so I sent Will an email to brief him on the rest of the product line. That email resulted in an invitation to comment on the site.
Commenting at Deadspin opened up the floodgates. I've always had a lot to say on a variety of topics so as I navigated my way through the blogosphere, my name started popping up in the comment sections on other blogs like jeskeets.com and Mr. Irrelevant. Eventually I was recognized for my commenting prowess (very strange) and people started asking where they could find my blog. It struck me that I'd found a large community of similarly minded people/fans.
4. Ufford touched on this a bit, but explain how KSK was formed. Had you guys ever met before the site was formed or were you just like Internet acquaintances? And now, how do you guys organize and communicate about who's touching on what? Long email chains?
Like everything else it started in the comment section of Deadspin. By limiting the commenter invites, Will allowed a truly unique community to develop right under his nose and that's where we all came together. Ufford had just started Karmic Payback and Drew was banging out posts over at Father Knows Shit when the two of them decided they wanted to create a co-operative football blog based solely in comedy. They recruited a few fellow commenters and I was fortunate enough to get the call.
None of us had actually met, but that hardly mattered; all we wanted to do was entertain ourselves. Since then I've had the pleasure of hanging out with most of the crew in person.
All of the blog-related communication goes down in epic Gmail threads whose comedic value easily eclipses that of the site itself. Over time we've become more organized as a group, but basically everybody just writes whatever the fuck they want. We have no obligation (real or imagined) to "cover" the "news" so there's never a need to assign a particular story.
5. Dream job? Go.
Ernie Grunfeld's protégé with Vinnie Cerrato's unprecedented job security.
6. A lot of blogs/writers take a while to find their voice. Hell, we cringe when we re-read some of our early posts. Correct us if we're wrong, but KSK seemed to really hit the ground running and pumped out good material instantly. How'd you and the rest of the team do it? Ample writing experience? An affinity for dick jokes prior to the site?
The blog might have hit the ground running, I certainly did not. KSK was my first experience with blogging and it was the first sports writing I'd done since high school. Some people look back on their old material and cringe but I can’t bring myself to do it, that shit is too painful. Fortunately I was a part of a talented and dedicated group of funny assholes. We all just tried to have fun while we found our stride.
7. There are all sorts of wonderful blogs out there. A few you'd recommend?
Wizznutzz is the single greatest team-specific website in the history of man. I'm proud to serve under Darvin and Jaarko as their honorary intern.
The Nation of Islam Sportsblog, The Dugout, and Yard Work are always funny. I have an admitted hard-on for sports satire. Not surprisingly I'm also a big fan of KSK. I look forward to everything we post just like our regular readers because BDD, Caveman (Ufford), Ape, Flubby, and MMP entertain the hell out of me.
Oh and With Leather! Don't tell Matt I forgot that. He knows eight ways to kill me with his big toe.
8. Most rewarding parts of blogging? Most frustrating?
Well we're not making shit off of the website, so the reward has come in the form of a whole new community of friends. The only frustrating part is keeping up with the likes of Big Daddy Drew. Trying to match his brilliance is usually a futile pursuit.
9. What's the ultimate goal of your site/your writing?
Sure I'd like to make money at this one way or another, but for now I'm just having fun. I have a great career outside of writing so anything that comes my way is just a bonus. I’m always trying to improve myself as humorist and an analytical writer.
10. KSK, from the get-go, seemed to get tons of traffic and comments. A piece of advice to some smaller sites how to get a prolific, interactive readership?
There's such a glut of sports blogs out there right now, the ones that succeed always offer something unique. It doesn't matter if you're providing humor, insight, or analysis; you just have to identify your strengths and your target audience.
10. This might be a loaded question, but, in your opinion, what's the future of sports blogs? Enlighten us.
"If there was hope, it must lie in the proles, because only there, in those swarming disregarded masses, eighty-five percent of the population of Oceania, could the force to destroy the Party ever be generated." -1984
The sports blogging community will continue to grow while most of the MSM will remain stagnant. It's all going on as we speak. Independent voices continue to pop up all over the Internet and sports fans are taking notice. Blogs certainly aren't going to take the place of the MSM but the best ones can serve as a highly valued supplement. But you must remember that most proles are proles for a reason.
11. We'll get you outta here on this: There's this NFL Draft thingy happening this weekend. You're a 'Skins guy, so who's Washington gonna take at No. 6? Who should Washington take? And what are you gonna be doing during the Draft? Some day-drinking perhaps? Non-stop posts? Both?
At this point I'm convinced that the Redskins only exist to frustrate me into a rage.
Right now the buzz says they’re either going to trade down to stock up on picks (yeah, and I’m breaking the fast with Joe Gibbs) or draft Laron Landry. I like Landry but he's a hard-hitting safety with questionable deep coverage skills and that’s Sean Taylor’s job. If they're so eager to take another safety they should trade down to the bottom of the first round where they can take Reggie Nelson and add a second rounder (to take a defensive lineman or a left guard).
I've made my feelings perfectly clear; I want Amobi Okoye and if I don't get him I'm liable to throw a hissy-fit. My biggest fears involve them trading into the top two or trading their current pick for a veteran (Lance Briggs). If they pull any of that shit I'm prepared to boycott FedEx Field for the entire season.
Regardless of what happens on Saturday I'm going to be drunk. I'm meeting up with a group of friends and acquaintances at a bar in DC to take in all the action before I head over to my regular seats at Verizon Center for Game 3 of the Wizards/Cavs series.
My dream scenario:
1. Skins draft Amobi
2. Amobi comes to the Wizards game
3. Amobi runs on to the court and gives Queen James the beating of her life.
(Past interviews; also found on right sidebar: Dawizofodds; Matt Ufford; The Mighty MJD; Jamie Mottram; The Big Lead; The Cavalier; Will Leitch; Dan Shanoff; Dan Steinberg; Brooks).
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Yesterday we asked if you could go to any historical sporting event, which one would it be? Well, we were talking with some colleagues the other day (one's a blogger himself) and a new question arose:
If you could attend any sporting event that occurred in a movie, what would it be?
Here are some ideas to get the ball rolling...
-Karate Kid ("Sweep the leg." Sweep the fucking leg.)
-Mighty Ducks (Triple deek, bitch).
-For Love of the Game
The comment section is your sandbox. Play nice.
So we don't usually do the whole link dump thing. Normally leave that to the big boys. But if you think we should do it, we're easily persuaded. Give some feedback in the comments, and if it's a go, start sending the emails...
1.) The well-hung gangstas over at Flyers Fieldhouse met former Georgetown coach John Thompson at an airport. The post is a wonderful recap of what transpired, which disappointingly doesn't end with them becoming friends and trading tequila shots at an airport bar.
2.) Homeboy Larry of Larry Brown Sports, which interviewed us yesterday, shows a crazy photo of the Travis Hafner shift. We probably would have just snuck a 10th player on the field. That's what we think of the rules.
3.) NFL Draft your thing? Fucking better be! Stop by Stiles Points for the latest.
4.) Wasting Company Time details some fantastic picks made by the Cleveland Browns. Take Brady Quinn. Double dare ya.
5.) The Terrible Jersey Hall of Fame at Just Call me Juice. We long for a Marvin Benard jersey, but could never find one.
That's right, Mr. Fortson, of NBA
You see, the story above is a true one, and it's about Danny. It took place not long ago in Seattle, and the tale was told to me by the girl in question, a friend of mine who I saw while visiting Zach in Seattle a few weeks ago.
Now we knew that Danny doesn't have much game on the court, and now we know he doesn't have much off the court either. Seriously, even if the girl is really hot, which she is, if you play in the NBA, make millions of dollars a year, and are hung like a Clydesdale, you should be able to get with pretty much any girl you want to. Especially one who approaches you in a bar. So sorry Danny, I guess she's not a jersey chaser. Better luck next time.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Our pal Larry from Larry Brown Sports, The 'House and NBX turned the pen on us this week and interviewed us.
Lots of fun answering some of the questions we're normally on the other side of. So head over to Larry Brown sports to see what we have to say (warning: pretty long) and stick around a while. Blow up the comments too. Cheap shots at us welcomed.
So naturally, we were out at a trendy bar this weekend with some buddies and the conversation kinda sounded like this:
Us: Whoa! That girl is totally giving us bedroom eyes.
Friend: She's pretty hot.
Friend 2: Yeah, go talk to her.
Us: Gotta finish this drink first...
Friend: Pussy. Go now.
Us: (Pause) Ugh, so here's an interesting question, "What's the best sporting event you've ever been too."
After the successful change of subject (the girlie probably had crabs anyway), we started talking about all these great sporting events.
The point of this post is not what the best sporting event you've seen live. If you want to tell us what it is, we'd love to hear though. Drop off a comment.
Rather, we discussed which game you would go to if you could go to any historic game.
Some quick ones came to mind. The Catch. Jordan's shot vs. the Jazz. Shot Heard 'Round the World. Titans/Rams Super Bowl. Flutie Hail Mary. Miracle on Ice. Don Larsen's World Series perfect game.
Dunno. There are some great games out there. The consensus we came to though was that Boise State-Oklahoma Fiesta Bowl would be the game we would have wanted to be at. Best. Game. Ever.
Go ahead. Tell us we're batshit-crazy. C'mon. Bring it, motherfuckers.
That game had it all. Substantial comeback. Upset factor. Big stage. Trick plays. Wild ending.
We challenge you to think of a better game in the last 20 years. Fuck it. Longer. Fifty years. If anyone reading was at that game, wow, we envy you.
Feel free to wildly disagree. This is supposed to generate a discussion about the best game ever. Or talk about that Fiesta Bowl. Or discuss how many Long Islands you'd need before getting all adulterous with Ian Johnson's fiancée.
Because that game still makes us pop wood, here's the video of the last sequence. It'll give you your second (morning wood) stiffy of the day.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Age: Old enough to appreciate the on-field artistry of Alvaro Espinoza.
Location: Lipstick City (L.A., Calif.)
Occupation: I make it up as I go.
Favorite teams: KC Royals, Chiefs, Univ. of Georgia, whoever is playing Saint Louie Cardinals, Florida Gators or the Al-addled Raiders.
Links to your favorite all-time posts you've written. (3-5)
-I suppose breaking the story of Prince being named to perform at the Super Bowl XLI halftime show seven months before any other media outlet.
-My recent treatment of Atlanta hosting the Final Four.
-And a photo-impaired post highlighting some of our favorite ESPN personalities.
-UCLA's Irish Fling Betrays Faithful
I really focus on trying to make every post perfect (I'm not nearly as successful as I would like), so my latest work is usually my favorite. And a lot of what I do is very time sensitive, so the impact of individual posts sometimes fades over time. That's why all of my favorite work would probably come from the original stuff I've done, which has a longer shelf life.
Time per day spent blogging and perusing the blogosphere: 10-12 hours (between trips to Koo Koo Roo and shots of Apple Pucker schnapps).
2. Take us through a typical day of blogging.
I work into the early morning. Then I'm back plaguing readers by midday. The number of posts usually depends on what's out there that day, or if John Daly is back making appearances at your friendly neighborhood Hooters. The slower the news day, the more I try to come up with original material.
I am going to go to more of a consistent posting method after our upcoming site redesign. I've resisted that in the past because there are days when there's not much interesting stuff out there, and I want everything we put on the front page to be compelling. But some days, that's just about impossible, so I think it's time to have more consistency in our daily approach (translation: I'm exceedingly lazy, but traffic drop-offs have got me struggling to keep up on my car insurance payments).
I don't spend most of my time reading blogs, though some are very good and deserve notice. In the last 6-9 months, the sports blog landscape has really changed for the better. Not a week goes by that I don't discover a new one that is quality. It used to be you'd be lucky to find one every six months, which is rather analogous to my social life.
3. You're a 16-year sports media professional. Can you take us through your career path -- starting with early internships and first jobs -- and how you've worked to where you are now?
Long, arduous journey. I worked at the student paper at the Univ. of Georgia, then did a little radio work for the student station.
After school, I broadcasted minor league baseball and hockey and college sports for eight years (it pains me to note that I can sum up eight years of my life in one seemingly insignificant sentence, but alas, it's true).
I then moved on to running a sports radio station in Kansas City (my hometown) as Program Director. I also hosted a talk show on the station and broadcasted some Royals games. Following that experience, I came out to L.A. to work for Fox Sports Radio, and now do some hosting work for ESPN Radio in Los Angeles. The website now takes up 99% of my professional time (read "professional" as waking hours).
4. The girls at SbB are waaay hot. We totally want to meet them and/or try to start something like that up in our neck of the woods. How'd you start that aspect of your site? Basically, when did you decide that a T&A approach is highly effective? How'd you contact/meet/recruit the girls and get them to go along with your vision? Do you pay them? Offer them modeling opportunities? How does your photography work into your daily routine?
The heart of the site is the editorial content. Having pictures of cute girls is not exactly a groundbreaking concept on the Internet, and it really isn't what makes SbB unique. But when we started the site, we had to find a way to attract visitors, and the girls were part of that marketing strategy.
The photography is done mainly on weekends, except for the trips we take (New York, Europe, Hawaii). We don't recruit girls anymore, they find us. We get several inquiries a day now. In case you're wondering, we've got a super-secret formula we use (much like the biscuit batter at Popeye's) for selecting girls.
5. Tell us about the SbB "gigs." What are they? What are the girls' roles? Do the gigs bring in the money to keep you blogging for free?
The gigs were a trivia game show that we did at various venues around L.A. (and the East Coast) for a few years. The events were never really meant to be a huge part of SbB, more a way to get photo content for the site. The girls kept score for the game and took pictures at the event. Lots and lots and lots of pictures. Believe me, there's no money in doing trivia shows at bars. We were lucky to break even after expenses (especially considering Cutty Sark doesn't come cheap these days).
We don't have plans to do the gigs on a consistent basis in the future (unless Peyton Manning's Sweet 16 party host rings the house).
6. There are all sorts of wonderful blogs out there. A few you'd recommend?
There are too many good ones to mention individually, besides AOL Fanhouse and Deadspin. The reason I mention those is they have been very influential in changing the way people look at sports blogging -- while also being instrumental in creating a vast audience.
Deadspin gave the concept of sports blogs credibility, because of the Gawker brand behind it and Will Leitch's talent. One of the main reasons the audience for all sports blogs has increased is the constant original reporting (breaking news before main media outlets) Will has done on the site. That story-breaking (and being a portal to the daily best of sports blogdom) has caused countless readers to turn to Deadspin as a legitimate sports media outlet. Most sports bloggers owe the majority of their traffic to Deadspin's success.
AOL Fanhouse is a bit different. Not quite as much original reporting or weirdiful stories as D-Spin, but a 24/7 updating approach. They don't miss anything. And the quality of writing isn't much different than what you will find on the main sports media sites. It's rapidly becoming the sports site I visit most on a daily basis -- I really don't have to go anywhere else to find out what's going that day. I'm sure the folks at AOL have taken notice of what Jaime Mottram has achieved on a shoestring budget. He's done an amazing job.
7. Most rewarding parts of blogging? Most frustrating?
The rewarding part is it's the greatest gig in the world. I do what I want when I want. There's nothing frustrating about it.
8. Your site is one of the longest running blogs out there. Two-parter: 1.) What made you start the blog in 2001? 2.) How'd you initially get readers?
I started SbB because I was really bored with working in the main sports media as a talk show host and play-by-play broadcaster. I knew there was an audience for what I wanted to do, but never got an opportunity in the ossified sports media structure to do it.
SbB started as a L.A.-centric sports blog. Then I started covering everything. The biggest factor in creating traffic was linkage from Fark.com. Drew Curtis' website put us initially on the map. But the big thing to remember is, if you have a crap site, people won't return. Fortunately, people like what they saw, and came back. To this day, I still count Fark.com as the most amazing phenomenon on the Internet, and I was lucky that he chose to give me a hand when I was just starting out.
9. What's the ultimate goal of your site?
To provide fans a different perspective on sports while also giving them a laugh. Notice I didn't say "athletes" or "sports media personalities" -- because I doubt they much like what we do.
10. We'll get you outta here on this: The MLB season is just underway. How 'bout your World Series pick.
Go you hairy KC Royals! Go! I'd love to see them get it together and make some noise. Which means stay in contention into mid-July (yes, I can dream).
The World Series that would make my October would be Dodgers-Angels, which I don't think this year is outside the realm of possibility. Los Angeles clearly is apathetic about the Dodgers, and a freeway series would put them back on the radar screen and fill the local sports excitement void created by the decline of the Lakers.
(Past interviews; also found on right sidebar: Dawizofodds; Matt Ufford; The Mighty MJD; Jamie Mottram; The Big Lead; The Cavalier; Will Leitch; Dan Shanoff; Dan Steinberg).
A good buddy of ours, and colleague both at the UW paper and now at The Seattle Times, has started a soccer blog, wonderfully titled, "The Beautiful Game."
The guy knows soccer backwards, forwards, and around the corner. He writes well, drinks better and now has a blog to show for it all.
Be sure to stop by The Beautiful Game and say hi to Josh for us. Tell him we sent you. His site has been added to the blogroll.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Whew! It's days like these that our being in Seattle doesn't give justice to our Bay Area fandom. We can't think of a better all-around day for a group of Bay Area teams.
First, you by now certainly know about the Warriors. The motherfucking Warriors! Playoffs?! Run-TMC back or what? Here's a photo of what must have been a chaotic, hug-happy scene at the Oakland Coliseum. Woulda been fun to be there. Though we did have a correspondent at the game in Portland.
The postseason's already begun for the Sharks, who are making Jaws look like a fucking stuffed animal. San Jose took a 3-1 series lead over the Nashville team with a 3-2 victory.
Baseball? Why not. The A's had a convincing 3-0 win over rival LAA giving them a mini sweep, while the Giants needed 12 innings to top the World Series champion Cardinals, 6-5 on a game-winning Rich Aurilia single. Oh, and Barry Bonds hit a home run, which is still sort of a big deal in San Francisco.
Our challenge to you is this: Can you think of a better all-around day for a city's (or area's) sports teams? There are probably others that completely trump this. Still, for Bay Area fans, cue that Ice Cube song.
Big Picture correspondent and long-time homie, Sam Marthinsen, who's a senior infielder for the Lewis and Clark University baseball team in Portland and will play professionally this summer in Israel, was at the Warriors' clinching victory over the Blazers.
His words speak in exclamation points...
FUCK! That was the first thought that flashed through my mind after the second alley-oop from Dan Dickau to Travis Outlaw was flushed down within 30 seconds. What did I do? I jinxed us by sending text messages to all my friends bragging about being on site for the first Warrior playoff season in 13 years. Maybe this knee-jerk reaction was a result of my being an ultra-superstitious sports fan or more likely it is a result of the Warriors teasing me for about 13 years.
I’ll be honest, I don’t really remember the last time the W’s were playing in late April or May. I have always been a baseball fan and when I was 10-years old I was much more interested on whether the baseball season was going to happen. So now, as my team lay on the brink of a postseason with the most dominant team in basketball, all I could think was that they were teasing me again. Luckily those two dunks happened with about 1:30 left in the game and it only brought the Blazers within nine. And Matt Barnes silenced the Portland crowd with a 3 pointer about five seconds later.
That left me to revel in the satisfaction in knowing that the NBA season was not over after 82 games, and that there was still hope of a title.
The Warriors have been a model of mediocrity for many years now and few know it better than the Golden State fans, and yet, every year, every game even we still beg and plead with our beloved Ws to put up Ws. This year seemed no different for a while until a strange thing happened: we started winning. Whether it was the monstrous trade that got rid of the worst third pick in NBA history, or that our star point guard and two-guard were finally playing, healthy, together. Either way the Ws started piling up and after being dead in the water we sat in a position to do what no other Warrior team has done in 13 years: reach the post season. To be honest I had no idea that their last game was in Portland until we got one game up on the Clips and I was checking out who our final games were against. I’ll be honest again: I filled the cup when I realized I could go to the game.
The anticipation building up to the game was harder to deal with than the game itself. I play baseball and I love baseball and I found myself hoping practice would end so I could go to this game. This was history, this was satisfaction, this was redemption… but in the back of my mind: this is what always happens. Regardless of that little voice I still was determined to will the W’s to a playoff berth. Hell, Lewis and Clark hadn’t lost a home game all year and I wasn’t about to start believing that the team I was rooting for was going to lose. Well, as we piled into the car and the hail started pounding our windshield like how a JRich three pounds the bottom of the net, we all anticipated an ending we had been waiting for since we started liking the Warriors (Yes, it was hailing in Portland on April 18, what the fuck is wrong with this place?).
When we got to the arena, well the game was already out of hand. We missed the first 10 minutes and it was never closer than when Outlaw had those two dunks the entire time we were there. We weren’t alone. After the game Golden State fans flocked to the visitors bench and tunnel area; we took up about two full sections. These fans had come out to see one thing, and a sign someone was carrying told the whole story: 13 years of heartache ends TONIGHT!!!!!
Before I go I just wanna point out one thing: The Mavs have beaten every team in the NBA this year… except one. Guess who? That’s right. The W’s.
-Sam M. #5
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
We're not entirely sure what MySpace is all about; frankly, it's always kind of frightened us.
We're also not exactly sure what the point of MySpace is -- like, what do you actually do? But we think if we get a certain amount of friends, we get a prize or something.
So come be our friend and shit.
And we'd love for you to use that email address more! (Thanks to those tipsters already sending stuff. Can't express our appreciation more).
Times are slow during the spring, with baseball being the only thing really going on before we get into six months of the NBA Playoffs.
We'll take this time to gently nudge you and suggest that if you see something in your local paper, hear some gossip by that water cooler -- a water cooler that's getting more action than Alyssa Milano, or have any cool, first-hand stories, please -- please! -- email us. (Link to our email also on right sidebar under heading "Tip Us Off").
No promises that we'll use what you send, but we guarantee a very appreciative response to your message.
So flood our inbox with great tips and we'll all benefit by it. And, speaking of Alyssa Milano, yeah, heard she's loose.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
I'm gonna break away from this "we" thing and speak as "I" today.
I've never been good with tragedy. I know that sounds funny. But I don't really know how to react it. Not so much emotionally -- I've never really expressed much emotion at all anyway. More so the etiquette of it, if that makes sense.
Was it acceptable to laugh at jokes yesterday? Acceptable to try to push the massacre to the back of our minds? Maybe those are stupid questions.
But like I said, I just don't really know how to react it. I felt it was best to avoid dick and hooker jokes today.
Something like yesterday's events is not only terribly tragic, but it's horrifying as well. I'm not far removed from being on a college campus where something like this could have happened.
And what are we to do? It's a helpless feeling. There'll likely be places to donate money and all that, but I find that sort of insulting. You can't put a price tag on a life.
In times like this, how the preciousness of life can be taken away with the pull of a trigger is horrifically illuminated, you just need to remember what's important in life. Family. Friends.
It's instances like this, where sports rightfully take a back seat to real life shit, that make you realize how fortunate you are for what you have, and that cherishing each day, cliché as it is, is as important as ever.
EDSBS, in an outstanding post, put it best: "It’s impossible to write something adequate about evil -- which this undoubtedly was."
And while I'm still unsure how to handle and react to a horrible tragedy as this, choosing to not ignore these events seems like the obvious choice.
We'll be back with sports tomorrow. For now, this is far more important.
Thanks for listening.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Hi friends. Just got on the computer here in Seattle and saw about the Va Tech shootings. Pretty fucked up. Not a good way to start the day.
But maybe to bring up the mood, head on over to Stiles Points. We have a little pre-draft column up and if you want to take a look at some picks that probably won't happen, check out the link.
Lots of great draft coverage at Stiles Points as there are mock drafts, extensive position-by-position coverage, and fabulous interviews with real life sportswriters gearing up for the big day.
Mel Kiper Jr. could take some notes...
Seems though that Minnesota Vikings cornerback Cedric Griffin got a first-hand experience with fashion faux pas Sunday as he was arrested for not pulling up his pants. Yeah.
Two witnesses told KSTP-TV that the Vikings cornerback was thrown out of the Spin nightclub for not pulling up his pants. The club has a dress code requiring that pants not sag below the waist.Whoa! Whoa! Hold up...he was sagging?! You can hang a motherfucker for that in Texas. Griffin got lucky in this case. Still, this is just another example of an athlete getting off with a slap on the wrist for a major offense.
We once wore brown shoes with black pants. After spending years in the clink, well, let's just say we'll never walk the same again...
From about September through March, there is just countless sports on TV. College football on Saturdays. NFL Sundays. Then you get college hoops, NFL playoffs, NBA action, probably some golf major.
This past weekend? A few local baseball games after the novelty of the new season has worn off. A few non-major golf tournaments (probably. Not that we'd really know). Stanley Cup Playoffs. Some NBA games with no playoff implication. Pretty boring.
Yuck. We got out of the house. Our ass-groove on the couch was lonely, but the girlie friend not so much.
Our question to you: What the hell did you watch on TV this weekend? (If it was porn, there's no need to tell us. We already know).
Friday, April 13, 2007
Drew Bledsoe, we don't salute you. Sure, you had a long and somewhat distinguished NFL career. Sure, you made it to the big game twice. Sure, you threw for like a shit-load of yards. But let's not forget the most important thing: you went to Wazzu. And got sacked like 800,000 times.
Now that Drew's retired, we can look back with some perspective on his career. Let's see. He lost his job to such great passers as Tony Romo and J.P. Losman. He lost a Superbowl and then watched another one wearing a headset. On the other hand, he's in the top 15 all time in passing yards, completions, and TD passes. Not bad for someone who's prone to Cougin' it.
Drew, we won't miss you. And please, for the love of God and Washington apples, make this your final decision. The last thing we need is another Brett Favre around here.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
And it's a good thing the Mariner's Felix Hernandez wasn't listening to the local FSN broadcast yesterday, because he might have killed play-by-play guy, Dave Sims.
In King Felix's masterpiece, Sims was constantly mentioning the no-hitter, and just as we tuned in during the top of the eighth, as the telecast came back from commercial, he mentioned something about being six outs away from the no-no. And then, on cue -- boom! -- J.D. Drew smacks a single up the middle.
"It just sort of happened," said an apologetic Sims. "Once I said it...I feel terrible."
OK, we made that up. Still. Unwritten rule, Mr. Sims. Never, ever mention a no-hitter. It's fine to think about it, but to talk about it?! You should know better. We haven't played organized ball since the Pony League, but c'mon man...
It's like walking out of a office bathroom stall, after lighting up the toilet, when another dude's in there washing his hands. You just don't do it.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
But we were worried a.) it wouldn't be funny enough, b.) it would come across as racist, rather than satirical, c.) it would be a lawsuit waiting to happen.
So instead, we thought we'd let our pal Dan Shanoff, of the cleverly titled blog Dan Shanoff, sum up the poor display of on-air personalities from last week. From yesterday's post:
Eloquent, accurate and concise. The man is a pro. If everything Donald Trump touches turns to gold, then everything Dan writes turns to gold lined with silver, covered with more gold.
It's the same old story: If mainstream sports media covered themselves in the same way that they covered athletes, this would be a much bigger story. But that's how it has always been -- and how it always will be.
And that's why sports-bloggers have become the counterbalance to the biggest mainstream sports media; the fragmentation of local traditional sports media has always undermined its ability, in aggregate, to cover "national" stories or connect with a "national" audience (which is quickly becoming the most important segment of sports audience).
Ironically, sports blogs -- which are about as localized and fragmented and niche as you can get -- work as one big distributed network to cover stories like this. And consumers are the better for it.
Cowherd did what he did because, down deep, he's afraid of the changes in his industry. Like Imus, what he fears most is his own irrelevancy. This incident -- and the blogger blowback -- isn't foreshadowing Cowherd's fears coming true; it's proving that they are here already.)
And that's a picture of a really hot chick to compensate for having a relatively serious post. Consider it a pants-stirring apology.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
(Shrink checks watch)
(Shrink checks watch)
(Shrink checks watch)
(Shrink checks watch)
Us? We root for the Giants. Why? Fantastic question. Can't be that exciting offense. Not the optimism that comes with a youthful team. Probably something about going to Candlestick Park before we could a.) walk, b.) talk, or c.) give bedroom eyes to that busty chick who's not sure why you stretch in the middle of the seventh, but makes a point to stretch a bit too suggestively, makes us pull for the hometown team.
But no more.*
The nation's rooting interests should collectively be turned towards Tampa Bay, where the Devil Rays' compilation of young talent is like a box of chocolates without any of those truffles with the fucking nuts and berries inside; no bad pieces.
The outfield of Carl Crawford, Delmon Young and Elijah Dukes can't be topped. And we love B.J. Upton at third, in a non-committal kind of way.
Our suggestion you root for the D-Rays might be a bit much. We feel we've been telling you what to do too much lately. That's a bit pushy of us. It's only Tuesday, after all.
*Not a truthful statement.
You allow two hits and lose?!
(We honestly didn't expect to use that tag again this soon. (Though change "Opening Day" to "Mondays").
Monday, April 09, 2007
In the third episode (episode?) of Blog Show, the two talk about all the hot topics around the blogosphere last week, though forgot to mention our stunning good looks and charming personality, which is pretty much always a hot topic.
Really, Blog Show is the shit. Good stuff. Check it out. At work. At home. At work.
We're still waiting for our shout out though. Not sure what we need to do to get a mention, but when (if) the time comes, we're gonna embrace it big time. If you could put a YouTube clip on the fridge, that motherfucker would be up in a heartbeat.
Friday, April 06, 2007
Our good friends over at The Big Lead got dicked by ESPN fuckface Colin Cowherd yesterday. Here's the original take by Deadspin that explains the situation:
Cowherd, a known plagiarist -- he blatantly stole from the stellar M Zone last year -- now does this. Really, what propels him do something so fucked up? Just get dumped by his girl? Compensating for having a small wang? Parents forgot his birthday?
Today, upset with something The Big Lead had written about him (or someone, or something, imagined or otherwise), Cowherd told his listeners to unleash a DNS attack on the site. One of the tech people here at Gawker Media tells us: "When someone floods a website with so many fake hits that the servers get overloaded, the site, essentially, goes down. A programmer could write a script to load the website once a second."
The Big Lead was down all day Thursday and, as one of our first stops in the morning, we were pretty distraught not being able to read it; it threw us off all of yesterday.
Cowherd, come for us. Fucking come, asshole. Come both guns blazin'. We'll make your tiny dick syndrome the least of your concerns.
The Big Lead, we got your back:
Colin Cowherd Has Listeners? (Shoals at The 'House)
Not only is this wrong, it's likely illegal (We are the Postmen)
Colin Cowherd can eat a fat dick (Kissing Suzy Kolber)
This Hurts Us More Than It Hurts You, Colin (Deadspin)
Cowherd: Nous Accusons! (EDSBS)
What To Do With Sports Radio Douches? (With Leather)
Fuck Colin Cowherd (Flyers Fieldhouse)
Colin Cowherd: Dead to Me (Just Call me Juice Sports Blog)
Melblog supports The Big Lead/Deadspin (Melblog)
The Words of a Madman (The Feed)
On open discourse: Colin Cowherd (Pacifist Viking)
'I'm a reacher, not a teacher.' (Ladies...)
Colin Cowherd Is A Jackass (Our Book of Scrap)
That Wasn't a Very Nice Thing to Do (One More Dying Quail)
Colin Cowherd is a Sad Little Boy (Yelling Louder)
Colin Cowherd Has No Soul (Sportable)
Colin Cowherd: Proof positive that the worldwide leader is the root of all evil (The Wayne Fontes Experience)
Cowherd The Bot-Herder (Super Dee Duper)
ESPN Willfully Destroys Sports Blogger/Competition (Her Loyal Sons)
Spring football news will have to wait (The House Of Heat)
Cowherd crosses a line (Sports Media Watch)
Colin Cowherd public enemy #1 (Savante’s String)
[Update] Top 10 reasons Colin Cowherd is FANtastic (The Sports Hernia)
[Update] Colin Cowherd Can Eat A Dick (Awful Announcing)
[Update] Supporting my fellow bloggers against Colin Cowturd (Stiles Points)
[Update] Somehow, We Let All The Morons On Radio And TV (Signal to Noise)
[Update] Cowherd takes on the Blogosphere (Cola For the Soul)
[Update] If I Ran...ESPN (If I Ran...)
[Update] Evolution of The Herd (College Game Balls)
did you know there is a college in downtown Cleveland called Dyke College.....not kidding you.....in fact the last I knew, they also had an athletic program.....about 15 years ago their women's basketball team played Youngstown State....at the time i worked in the YSU athletic dept and when many of our opponents saw the women's schedule, they thought that was a joke or something....
From 1941-1994, the school was known as Dyke College. David N Myers, a Cleveland business leader and philanthropist, became the school's proprietor in the late twentieth century.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Ideally we'd interview her -- a pretty straight forward Q&A, though we'd be curious what she thought about TBP readers wanting to run through her. But banging a good Catholic girl, pre-maritally, in a church, with the congregation looking on would be easier than getting an ESPN employee's email address. (If you have ESPN insiders who might know Erin's email, holler at us).
Instead, we'll go with this nice montage of Erin.
Erin, we salute you! (And we'll totally take you out in Seattle if you're ever here. No cheap shit either).
Naturally it was fun as hell and we didn't once think about excusing ourselves to check the score of the basketball game. Because who needs college hoops when you have Steve Bunin's father?
Don't know who Steve Bunin is? Then get the fuck away from here. (Joking! Kisses!). Bunin is an ESPN anchor who mainly works on ESPNNEWS' The Hotlist, where he can be seen modeling perfect on-air chemistry with coworker Michael Kim.
Turns out Bunin's parents (Bunin grew up in the Seattle suburb of Mercer Island) are friends with our distant relatives. So we had the comic relief of ol' man Bunin to keep us entertained.
Let's just say the man can chant Hebrew like a bad motherfucker. And when it comes time for singing, his antics disguise his modest voice. The gestures are priceless.
Mr. Bunin didn't seem to know much about sports. Seemed more fit to be a rabbi than the father of a sportscaster. But this wonderful man knocked up a woman who gave birth to Steve Bunin. Next is a Passover Seder with Steve himself. Maybe he'd bring Michael Kim along. We imagine they go everywhere together.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
OK. That headline is blatant lie. The San Francisco Giants will score a run this season. Maybe even two. There are like 8,000 games in the season, so the chance of getting shut out of the entire year would probably be along the lines of historic.
But after a 7-0 Opening Day stinker, who knows if the Giants' anemic lineup -- Ray Durham, ladies and gentleman, is your cleanup hitter -- can manufacture a run.
From our favorite SF Giants blog, McCovey Chronicles:
The game in summary: The bullpen wasn't good, the lineup was awful, the bazillion-dollar ace was okay-not-great, and I don't like watching Pedro Feliz play baseball. That has the potential to be a season in summary.Ditto.
Pedro Feliz is still my least favorite player to watch from the past decade. The line between rational dislike and irrational hatred is now completely indistinguishable in my own mind. Is Cla Meredith good enough to get other hitters to chase that 3-2 sinker nine feet off the plate? Or is Feliz just that bad and there is no hope and the team is doomed and I can't believe this team really plans to give him 600 plate appearances? Feliz is a complete failure of imagination on the part of any general manager who thinks he could be of any use to a starting lineup.
Expectations around the Bay are pretty low, but still. Shut out? We're aware that Opening Day is just one game -- our editor/boss at The Seattle Times just gave us a throat-slash gesture after hearing what sounded like a cliché get written -- but that first game seems to dictate the mood for the season.
And that mood is going to be pretty foul. We might piss ourselves if the G-men break through for a run today. Though if they miraculously do, it'll probably be unearned.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
What do college kids do? Study, drink, talk about banging, drink, eye-fuck the shit out of girls while drinking, the three S's (shit, shower, shave) while drinking, go to class (sometimes drunk), order pizza (often when drunk, high or perhaps both) and then drink some more.
Our heat-packing amigos at Flyers Fieldhouse are on to this. So they've proposed the wonderful idea of the Beer Games.
The Beer Games will be a celebration of the today's superstars in alcoholism, drunken debauchery, and shameless depravity. Think X Games. With beer. And no snow. And actual entertainment.For those that attended a college that was fun (i.e. anything bub Bob Jones), I'm guessing someone probably floated the idea around of broadcasting your block parties' flip cup tournament. Another person most likely called a beer pong game with a lot of rebuttals an "instant classic."We'll challenge anyone to a game of beer pong. We are the fucking ballz at beer pong. But don't bring your bullshit to our house. On our court, here's how we play:
-Six cups (preferably Solo brand).
-Two re-racks (call 'em when you want 'em).
-Both partners hit the shot, you get the balls back.
-Bouncing it in equals two cups, but you can slap the ball away once it hits the table, of course.
-Smack-talking's cool, but don't dishonor the game by using physical distractions to alter shot (like mooning the other team, for example).
-You better have those cups perfectly touching. If one's tilted up on another, you're dishonoring the game.
-Above all, beer pong is a game of honor. Remember that.
One of the best things about beer pong though is the many variations. We once walked in to the Sigma Chi house at the University of Pacific and played some 'pong. Their rules belonged on the fucking short bus, but nevertheless, we ran through them like Tom Brady through girlfriends.
It's important to note that the "home court" team calls the rules. Don't walk into another man's house and try to make the rules. That's dishonoring the game. On a "neutral court," discuss the ground rules before, sorta like the umpires/coaches at a baseball game.
So who wants to play? The Beer Games are coming to a college town near you soon. (Or they should). Watch out for the bounce...
And feel free to leave your preferential rules for beer pong in the comments. With collective thinking, you can bring a new version to your hometown. And then beat the fuck out of the other team. Honorably, of course.
If you're going to lose your NCAA bracket pool, you might as well lose it to a guy who gets paid to write about college basketball. Going into the final I was up on the big guy by a few points, and had OSU over Florida, while Zach had Florida over OSU. It all came down to the last game, winner take all, and... well we all know what happened there. So congratulations Zach, you're a damn good guesser, and your brother ain't bad either. Adam snuck in to the No. 2 spot by guessing the winner, even though he had Texas in the final. Good thing we didn't have any money on this thing. So once again, good work Zach, and happy Passover.
Monday, April 02, 2007
Our homie Matt Watson of Detroit Bad Boys and The 'House told us about this new, cool website launching today called Ballhype, which is a site that...well, let's have them explain:
Too many sports blogs, too little time...We like to follow sports news as much as the next guy, but with all the blogs out there now, it was getting to be ridiculous trying to take it all in. No way that you could just surreptitiously alt-tab over to your browser and check out the latest stuff in the 3 seconds between emails at work. Ballhype makes it easy for all of the sports fans out there who want to keep up but don't have all day to goof off online.
First, we pull in content from thousands of sports blogs. (Think we're missing one? Tell us and we'll check it out.) If other writers are linking to a story, it gets surfaced to the top of the list as newsworthy. If enough Ballhype users hype it up, the story will make it to the home page.You can also write your own post or submit a story that you think should be required reading. We make it incredibly easy to find good stuff to submit. Just check out the Hot Topics (posts grouped by topic) or Latest Posts (all posts written by any blog we track filtered by tag).
They also have this awesome feature that ranks blogs. As of Friday, we come in at No. 34 overall and we're No. 6 in the "All Sports" category. (Though the weekend fucked us like a Turkish prisoner, as we fell to No. 54 overall. Still No. 6 in the "All Sports" category). This feature is more addicting than Bolivian blow, so we'll be checking back frequently.
No. 34 ain't bad and No. 6 in the general sports circle isn't bad either, but we want to be number fucking one. That's right, Deadspin, we're comin' for ya. (Not that we'll catch Deadspin, but No. 2 could be cool too. Watch out, The Big Lead).So check out Ballhype. It's fun for all. And if you see our shit on there, "hype" it up. That's the point after all.